how to cope with the death of a pet.

July 29, 2017

Today marks two years since I experienced one of the hardest days of my life… putting my sweet Allie Bear down.

Allie was my chocolate lab mix and she truly was the best dog. She was so sweet, happy, well-behaved, and loved to wear outfits! (She had an entire wardrobe!) I remember being in Toronto for a work trip in 2011 when the rescue group Paws in the City called to say they approved my application to adopt her. I was so excited, but had no idea that this sweet puppy was about to change my life for the better.

I didn’t know I could love something so much. She was like my child, and my family also adored her! I admit that I was the overprotective dog mom who spoiled her rotten (her life before she was rescued was rough), and she quickly adjusted to her new luxurious lifestyle.

The summer of 2015, I noticed that her eyes looked irritated and took her to the vet right away, thinking that she was experiencing horrible allergies. During her exam, our vet noticed an abnormality in her neck that wasn’t there during her regular check-up a couple of months prior, and wanted to have additional testing done. I agreed not thinking anything of it. A few days later, I was driving home from work to see my sweet Allie Bear, and got a phone call from him that he had her test results… cancer. Everything after that was a blur. My dad went with me to the dog oncologist to learn about what stage she was in and treatment options. We learned that she had stage 5 cancer, and my options were to either treat the cancer, where she would live longer, but be sick for a majority of the time… Or put her down.

I really struggled with the decision, and prayed on it a lot that weekend. I knew the right thing to do at mass that Sunday. I took the following days off from work and went all out to celebrate the last days of her life including taking her to Pinkberry (her FAVORITE!) every night, taking her to her favorite park for as long as she wanted to stay, and having a dinner with my family so they could say their goodbyes.

*Me and Allie Bear at her favorite park on her last day alive.*

It is two years later, and I’m still teary writing this. She went to heaven with a piece of my heart, and I often think about her. Losing a pet is heartbreaking, but I found the following to be helpful in my grieving/coping with her loss that may help others going through this painful process:

Have a memento to remind you of your pet. I had a custom pillow made of Allie Bear when she was smiling so big. Shortly after her passing, I would sleep with it every night, and now it stays under my bed most of the time, but I pull it out and hug it on days I really miss her or have had a rough day.
Do something in memory of your pet. Allie Bear was a rescue dog, and was with a foster for 1.5 years before I adopted her. She was so sweet, and knew she would want to help other dogs have a great life like she did. I donated all her blankets and outfits to the SPCA in hopes that they could help some of the bigger dogs get adopted and have a happy forever home too. I still continue to donate needed items like laundry detergent to the SPCA to keep her memory alive.
Pray. Religion is a very personal thing, but it plays a big role in my life. I prayed extra after Allie’s passing to thank God for bringing her into my life, and be with me to stay strong.
Cry it out. Sometimes there is nothing else you can do but ugly cry. That is perfectly ok. Call a family member or friend, and just cry. It may feel good to just get it out of your system.
Start a new routine. This was one of the biggest things I struggled with. My life revolved around Allie’s schedule: daily walks, play time outside, dinner time, etc. I had to shift gears and do things for me. At first, it was keeping myself as busy as possible with work, happy hours, concerts, baseball games, dinners out, and then gradually was able to fall into my own routine.
Be patient with others. I wasn’t expecting how many people would ask me where Allie Bear was when they saw me. (She was so sweet and so popular!) After I told people she had passed away, I was a little taken aback when many asked if I was getting another dog. My response to that question continues to be, “No, she was such a sweet and perfect dog, that I can’t imagine replacing her.” That is the truth and it politely ends the conversation.